- Brought up by hardworking single mothers, sugar babies transfer the responsibility to their girlfriends
- They turn to women to bankroll their lives
Annette is a good looking, hardworking young woman. She runs a trendy boutique and holds down a regular banking job as well. She is also the mother of a lovely three-year-old boy whose father has since exited the picture.
Annette took a loan from her bank job to help her baby daddy set up his business. He, unfortunately, failed miserably at the business, ‘ate’ whatever was left of the money with another woman and left Annette to pick up the pieces, together with the interest on the loan.
It is only because she had a great track record at work that the bank agreed to let her work out manageable payments towards clearing the money owed. She eventually paid it off and got on with her life. Now Annette has met another man who is very interested in her, but things have hit a snag.
He wants her to put money towards a house he is building, and she is, understandably, reluctant to part with a coin, following her experience with the ex.
Now he is accusing her of not trusting him, of comparing him to her past man and of not being willing to commit to their future. Annette wants to know what she should do.
Well, in her shoes I would run for the hills. In fact, I probably would not even let myself get into her shoes in the first place. For me, until you put a ring on it, I do not see why I should be expected to invest in our imaginary future, let alone your business ideas.
At most, I might cook a meal at your bachelor pad and deposit a toothbrush there. I certainly will not be making any other deposits until I know where things are going.
However, I am not a modern emancipated feminist. And that is, perhaps, the source of these problems – the heavy doses of girl power in the atmosphere. There are too many men around who do not find it even a little disturbing to approach their girlfriends for money.
Many of these ‘sugar babies’ were raised by strong, single women who showed them what women can achieve. And so, they grow up and they want to transfer the responsibility of their existence from a strong mum who made ends meet to a strong girlfriend who will continue paying all the bills and making all of life’s comforts available.
Someone like Annette is proud of what she has achieved, and anxious to prove that she can pay her own way. If a man should leave her and her baby, she will pride herself in being able to take care of the child without his input. In fact, she will make sure that child has more than any other child in the neighbourhood.
She is superwoman reloaded. The new breed of ‘sugar babies’ can smell that emancipated attitude from a mile away. What man wouldn’t want a woman who cooks, cleans, makes babies and bankrolls his projects, all without expecting a dime from him?
I’m talking to girlfriends who have yet to be upgraded to fiancée, or to even meet the man’s mother: please keep your purse to yourself. It does not matter how great his business idea is or how much he tries to convince you that you will be joint partners.
The dynamics of dating demand that he be the one to make grand financial commitments, not you. If he is a man worth his salt, he will find a way to make that business take off anyway, and prove himself capable of looking after you and your children.
I have advised Annette to stick to her guns, but I can tell by the way she is talking that she thinks a little money is a small price to pay for having a regular man in her life. I think she is going to give him the money anyway (this thing called love!), and I will not be surprised if he finishes the house and moves in with another woman!
Meanwhile, Annette’s son is also learning that mama is the ultimate provider, and he is not being exposed to any men who believe in fending for their families. It will be such a shame if, after what she has been through, Annette is raising a future ‘sugar baby’ herself.
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